One day, every parent will stand before the Lord and give an account for how they stewarded the children He entrusted to them.
That's a sobering thought when you really think about it.
Not from the standpoint of fear, but because it reminds us that we do not own our children. They belong to God. God has given them to us to steward with the privilege and responsibility of raising, guiding, protecting, discipling, and preparing them for the calling He has on their lives.
This can feel overwhelming, especially today.
Parents today have to navigate decisions previous generations never had to face at this scale and pace. Everyday life now requires parents to navigate things like smartphones, social media, internet access, sexual abuse, pornography, peer pressure, and a culture that is constantly competing for the hearts and minds of our children.
The question is no longer whether our children will face influences that oppose God's truth.
The question is whether we are intentionally preparing them for those influences or simply assuming they'll be okay and never have to face or deal with them.
Before we go further, we want to call out a few key things to remember as you read, so you understand our heart behind this.
There is a fine line between keeping kids in a bubble and doing the opposite and allowing them to be in situations where they may be exposed to things they are not prepared or equipped to navigate. So much of this is age-specific, which is why staying close to what the Holy Spirit is guiding us in is so important.
At the core of the parenting journey is teaching kids their identity in Christ and building an open, close relationship with them where they feel comfortable talking to their parents if they are exposed to or experience something that is not in God’s design. Parents must approach things from God’s design and where it gets corrupted, instead of categorizing something as bad, bad, bad. If a topic such as sex is always portrayed as bad and negative, it can impact the true understanding of God’s beautiful design for intimacy in marriage or could drive a feeling of shame (like the Purity Culture movement did) if something happens and make a child afraid to talk openly with their parents.
Children Are a Gift to Steward, Not a Possession to Control
One foundational truth that should shape our parenting is that our children are a gift from the Lord to steward, not control.
Psalm 127:4 says:
"Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth."
An arrow is designed to be launched away from the archer.
But before it can be launched, it must be crafted, sharpened, straightened, and prepared.
As parents, that is part of our mission.
The objective is not to raise children to get good grades, earn scholarships, build successful careers, or fit into society. While those things may matter, our primary responsibility is to help our children become who God created them to be.
The world is constantly trying to influence our children. As parents, if we are not the primary voice of influence in their lives, someone or something else will shape them.
The Pressure Christian Parents Face
Many parenting decisions aren't as black-and-white as we would like.
There isn't a specific verse that says:
Allow sleepovers.
Don't allow sleepovers.
Give your child a smartphone at age 12.
Wait until age 16.
But Scripture does give us principles that require wisdom, discernment, prayer, and conviction to live by.
The hard truth is that many parenting decisions are driven less by conviction and more by pressure.
Pressure to fit in with what other families are doing and what is considered “normal.”
Pressure to avoid upsetting our children or having them feel left out.
Pressure to avoid being labeled "extreme."
Pressure from friends, family, and culture.
Sometimes even pressure from other Christians.
Joshua 24:15 says:
"As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." (Joshua 24:15)
Every family must prayerfully seek the Lord for guidance on what it means to serve him in everything we do. What God is asking of us should be our focus.
Not what culture is doing.
Not what everyone else at church is doing.
Not what social media says we should do.
What is God asking of us?
The Reality Parents Must Acknowledge
Many parents genuinely believe or hope dangerous influences can't affect their children or happen in their own children's lives.
Most parents assume or hope their child would never be exposed to pornography.
Most assume their child would never be involved in harmful situations.
Most assume abuse happens somewhere else to other people.
Unfortunately, many of those assumptions are wrong, as the current data shows.
Common Sense Media (2022 Report on Pornography)
Those surveyed were between the ages of 13 and 17 and, on average, they were exposed to pornography at the age of 12.
15% said they were exposed at age 10 or younger
54% said it was at age 13 or younger.
44% of respondents said they sought it out intentionally
56% said exposure was accidental
51% of this group said the exposure came through types of online access, and 29% said it came through a friend or classmate.
CDC Data on Sexual Abuse
1 in 4 girls and 1 in 20 boys will experience some form of sexual abuse, with the median age being 9
90% of sexual abuse is committed by someone the child knows and not a stranger
Historically, the data used to show that the majority of abuse was committed by an adult the child knows, and a minority of abuse was committed by another child. Today the stats are flipped, with 70% of sexual abuse coming from a peer and not an adult.
For many adults, if they honestly think back to their own childhood, their first exposure to inappropriate content, sexual conversations, pornography, substance abuse, sexual abuse, or other unhealthy influences often happened at a sleepover or other social gathering when parents weren't present.
It is the reality that often negative experiences can and may occur through another child, at a friend’s house, after church, etc., which are often environments everyone assumes are safe.
This isn't about fear or ignoring reality, but about creating awareness so we can seek God on how to steward our children wisely.
Both of us (Ryan and Julie) were exposed to things at young ages, which was decades ago compared to today's prevalence and access.
Julie was exposed to the following at sleepovers/play dates between the ages of 6 and 12 when adults were not around:
Demonic activity such as séances, oath-taking, etc., without understanding what was actually occuring due to her young age.
Sexual behavior and experiences
Physical abuse
Ryan was exposed to the following at young ages as well:
Accidental exposure to pornography around the age of 9-10
Bad, vulgar, and sexualized language and discussion at sleepovers
Seeing friends involved with drugs after youth group at church
The Sleepover Conversation
Sleepovers can be a charged topic.
For some families, the answer is an immediate no.
For some, the answer may be only with family members.
For others, specific circumstances, safeguards, and boundaries may make them comfortable. We know of a family that allows sleepovers, but:
Only once they're at their house.
When their kids reach a certain age.
With limits on which kids can be there and how many.
The parents hold on to the cell phones for anyone there, and they can only be used under adult supervision to make phone calls, etc.
The kids sleep in an open area close to the parents' bedroom, and the parents sleep with their door open and pretty much stay up all night to keep tabs on things.
The point isn't that every family should handle this the same.
The point is that every family should prayerfully consider the risks, the environment, the people involved, and what the Lord is leading them to do.
In our family, we do not allow sleepovers unless it is with grandparents, and we are finding more and more parents who share this conviction as we talk about this topic with others. Some people may think this is extreme, but it is where we feel the Lord leading us.
As parents, we should ask questions such as:
Who will be present?
How well do we know the family?
What level of supervision exists?
What access do the children have to devices?
What influences are present?
The larger question beneath all of these is:
Who and what are we allowing to have access to our children?
That question alone can radically change the way we approach parenting decisions.
The Smartphone Question
Perhaps no parenting issue has changed more dramatically over the last decade than smartphones.
For many children today, carrying a device means carrying unrestricted access to the internet, social media, messaging platforms, entertainment, and thousands of outside influences.
Many parents provide devices for practical reasons.
Safety.
Communication.
Convenience.
Those are all understandable reasons.
But there is another question that deserves equal consideration:
Is my child spiritually, emotionally, and mentally prepared for everything that may come through that device?
In our family, we don't believe anyone should have access to a cell phone until they get their driver's license, and at that point it should be a text/call-only phone. Yes, parental controls and filters exist, but ungodly things slip past them fairly easily, and a phone can still tempt a child.
A key question is: what is the point of giving a child access to a smartphone before they are driving? For decades, kids did not even have cell phones, and for a while no one had one until they started driving. In today’s world, it is very common to see young kids, even pre-teens, be given smartphones.
Technology itself is not the enemy.
But wisdom requires us to recognize that every device becomes a doorway that leads to either good or harmful things.
As parents, we are called to be gatekeepers.
Not because we're trying to control our children.
But because we're called to protect and prepare them.
Eventually, our children must learn to navigate the world on their own.
But before we release them into the world, they need training, guidance, and wisdom.
Identity Is More Important Than Rules
One of the great mistakes Christian parents can make is believing that enough rules will protect their children.
Rules have value.
Boundaries have value.
But rules without relationship often produce rebellion.
Children need more than a list of do’s and don’ts.
They need to know who God says they are, why they were created, and how to hear God’s voice.
A child who understands their identity in Christ is far better equipped to withstand peer pressure than a child who follows a list of family rules.
The goal isn't to raise children who obey us.
The goal is raising disciples who long to follow Jesus.
Don't Parent from Fear
When discussions like this arise, we always risk swinging from one extreme to the other.
One extreme says:
"Everything is fine."
The other says:
"Everything is dangerous."
Neither position is healthy.
Fear is not discernment.
Fear is not wisdom.
Fear is not faith.
God has not called parents to live in panic.
He has called us to walk closely with Him.
Discernment helps us recognize danger without letting it control us.
Discernment helps us set boundaries without becoming legalistic.
Discernment allows us to trust God while still exercising wisdom.
As parents, our calling is not to place our children in a bubble.
Our calling is to prepare them to stand firm in truth when they encounter the world.
A Final Encouragement for Parents
If you're a parent, take a moment and ask yourself:
What voices currently influence my child's life?
What content does my child have access to?
What convictions has God already been speaking to me about?
Where have I allowed culture to shape my parenting more than Scripture?
Most importantly:
Am I seeking God's direction for my family, or am I simply following what everyone else is doing?
No parent will get everything right.
We all need God's grace.
But we can choose to become more intentional.
We can choose to seek His wisdom in handling every situation.
When we place our parenting in God's hands, trust His leading, and commit to raising our children according to His truth, we can rest knowing He is faithful to guide us every step of the way.
Prayer: Father God, thank you for entrusting me to steward my children. Please forgive me for the times I have tried to own and control them. Help me to see them as a gift that you have given me to steward for your Kingdom. I ask that you show me areas in life where I need to adjust the decisions I make about who and what I allow my children to access. Give me the strength to stand firm on your word and in your conviction and not bend to the pressures of life. I plead the blood of Jesus over my children and pray for divine protection and a secure and firm identity in Christ. Lead me and guide me each day. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.
