How you respond to criticism and rejection could be what’s holding you back!
I read something recently that left me with a strong conviction in my heart.
“God will only promote and bring greater visibility and responsibility to the level at which you can handle criticism and rejection.” - Craig Cooney.
Ouch! I’ve heard that God will promote someone to the level of stewardship they can handle, but I've never really pondered how my response to criticism could be holding me back from the next level God wants to take me to.
Craig Cooney is correct when he says in his book The Threshold, “The enemy will strategically focus his attacks on the areas of your life that make you the most effective for God’s kingdom.”These are the character traits, abilities, and gifts that he perceives to be the greatest threat to his evil schemes.” Craig goes on to mention that these attacks of criticism typically come from people, and I would have to agree. People who are harboring jealousy, resentment, suspicion, bitterness, and division that is being raised up in them towards someone. Unfortunately, some of these people may be the ones closest to us, such as our friends and family, or coworkers and church community.
A great illustration of this is the life of King David. When Samuel came to the house of Jesse and asked to see all of his sons in 1 Samuel 16, David was neither sent for nor even mentioned. Just think about it. His own father doesn’t even recognize his son, nor does he recognize his value in this important event taking place in his home. And if the overlook and rejection of David’s father towards him isn’t enough, when David goes down to see his brothers at the battle with Goliath, his own brother Eliab mocks him and tries to tear down his identity and character as we read in; 1 Samuel 17:28: “When Eliab, David’s oldest brother, heard him speaking with the men, he burned with anger at him and asked, “Why have you come down here? And with whom did you leave those few sheep in the wilderness? I know how conceited you are and how wicked your heart is; you came down only to watch the battle.”
Talk about some big blows from those with whom David was the closest and should have had the most support. But look how David responds. There’s no mention of him holding bitterness towards his father’s response, and the lack of his dad’s approval of him. And when his brother makes harsh, untrue comments towards him, he doesn’t try to defend himself, nor does he lash back or go talk to others about how wrong his brother is. No, instead, we see in 1 Samuel 17:30: “David turned away to someone else and brought up the same matter, and the men answered him as before.”
David doesn’t waste time defending himself to those who criticize, tear him down, spread lies, or overlook him. He doesn’t waste time wallowing in self-doubt about who he is or sitting in endless hours of rehashing the scene in his head and what he would say and do and the fight he would take on if that ever happened again.
From what we read, David doesn’t let these words of lies and words of rejection start to bring him down and have him question his purpose, where he’s going, and what he’s actually capable of. NO! He instead immediately moves on! Why? Because he doesn’t have time for all that nonsense. Because he wasn’t going to let the fear of what others thought of him stop him from moving forward. Because he KNEW his identity in the Lord and not just who he was, but WHOM he belonged to. And because, as we read in 1 Samuel and Acts, “David was a man after God’s own heart.” And because David handled the criticism and rejection with holiness, God continued to promote him.
What I’ve learned over the years is that when people (and this very much includes me) are spiraling over what someone has said or done, it’s because they don’t know their identity and are letting others' words or actions define who they are, rather than God.
This was something that I battled. There were times when the lies or actions of others would cause me to spiral. In the moment, I wouldn’t say anything. I’m a processor, so it wouldn’t be til that night or the next day, when I had time to reflect on what had happened, that the enemy would plant a seed, and instead of taking that thought captive and making it obedient to Christ, I would instead run with it.
Now, I’m a pretty animated person, so it’s no surprise that when I was spiraling in my backyard, one would think that I was actually talking to someone, when in reality, the only person I was talking to was the air. My hands would be flying, and my lips would be moving as I replayed the scene and everything I would have done the next time it happened. And I noticed that what started out as something small would turn into something huge within a matter of minutes. I would walk into our home, not realizing my husband had seen my whole spiral production, and he would simply say, “So did you win the war?” To which I would say, “Yes, I always do.” Isn’t that true? We always win the war because that’s exactly where the enemy leads us, so that bitterness, resentment, and judgment can take root, and our own justification takes place.
Here’s the harsh reality we need to understand, though. The words that we are speaking, even if we think they are justified, have the power to bring life or death, blessing or curse. I’ve found that this honestly gets overlooked by believers. We think they’re just words, but words have power. When God “SPOKE,” his words created life. His words parted seas, made creation, and made man. When Jesus spoke, His words brought the dead to life, made the blind see, and drove out demons. When the disciples spoke, their words followed the power and authority of Jesus, and miracles and signs followed. Our words do the same. And the enemy wants nothing more than to have us bring curses upon others with our words.
Praise God, David didn’t do this. And by God’s mercy, He got my attention to realize what was happening. Now, when I find myself with a thought and see that it’s wanting to run wild, I choose to speak life and blessing over that person or situation. It isn’t always easy, but speaking favor and abundance over the one who has done you wrong not only changes something in the physical realm, but it changes the atmosphere in the spiritual realm as well. When we speak God’s blessing to be upon the one who has hurt us it starts to bring freedom to our own heart, and helps us to not go into unforgiveness, which causes a world of destruction in multiple ways of our lives.
Now, I do want to cover two other scenarios in which words are spoken to us that we need to address. When someone points out something in us, we need to not automatically blow it off or ignore any heart wounds others may have caused; we need the Lord to heal. We must discern when someone is pointing out things for pruning, versus when someone is pointing out things to bring us down, as well as how our hearts are receiving any pruning and correction.
When we know our identity, it becomes easier to discern words of refinement versus words of criticism and tearing down. Having an open heart to hear the hard truths we ourselves are battling that the Lord wants to expose to bring freedom and breakthrough on, and knowing when the enemy is working through others' words or actions to slow us down, bring us down, tear us down, and stop us from God’s plan and anointing is critical.
But what do we do when the pushback, the lack of promotion, or the lack of a vision comes from those in authority over us?
David received immense pushback and criticism from King Saul, his king, father-in-law, and, for all intents and purposes, a man who was supposed to be his spiritual father. Yet David continued to walk in honor and respect towards King Saul. He didn’t sit there continuously talking badly of his “boss” to everyone or try to go around him in manipulation, undermine his authority, or squeeze him out so that David could then get what was rightfully his. Even though David was already anointed and he knew King Saul’s days were numbered, he didn’t sit in jealousy, resentment, or pride.
Although the situation was nothing like what he expected, and the length of time was nothing like what he imagined, he ultimately trusted in God’s timing of promotion and the way it would take place. Because he didn’t take matters into his own hands, when the time came for him to be king, his reign was successful because he entered into it well. He entered into this new season in an honoring, respectful, and godly way. Yes, it took way longer than he imagined. But during that process of waiting for his promise to come to fruition, during the process when the enemy tried to make it look like it may never happen and tempt David to take things into his own hands, during the process of those around him questioning why he was handling it the way he was, David remained faithful to the Lord. He walked in humility, with a Godly character, honor, and respect to the king, who was currently above him. He waited on God’s timing, and he allowed the Lord to prune him, refine him, and build in him the Godly leader that Israel really needed during that time of waiting. David was tested in every possible way, and in the end, he passed the tests, entering his kingship and reaping abundantly from the Lord.
God is doing the same in us when we take a step back, get our minds off of the criticisms, the attacks we feel towards us from others, and look up and allow God to move the pieces he needs to at his perfect time so we can reap that abundant harvest God has planned for us.
A few questions to think about are:
Are you giving more time than is warranted to those trying to hold you down?
Are you taking on and letting take root in your heart the lies, disapproval, or criticism of those surrounding you?
Do you become defensive quickly when someone points something out and refuse to dig deep within yourself, asking God what He may be trying to reveal and prune in your life?
I encourage you and myself to honor those in authority above us and stay focused on what God wants to do. Trust in his timing, trust in his provision, trust in his plans, and watch and see the abundance of fruit pour out in measure that surpasses more than we could imagine!
PRAYER: Lord, I thank you for the unique ways you work in my life. I know your plans for me are to prosper and bring an abundance of life. I repent for the times I have agreed with the lies of the enemy coming through the mouths of those around me. I repent for walking in doubt and unbelief of what you are capable of and desiring to do in and through me. When things seem impossible, and those around me question and try to pull me back, I will not WAIVER, but will stand firm in what you have promised me as you did David. I decree that my family and I will be prosperous and successful because your word will not depart from our thoughts or lips. I will be strong and courageous, full of faith and unafraid because I know you are with me and go before me. I pray that you give me the same anointing of wisdom as you gave to Solomon and the heart you gave David, so that I may walk in your ways and receive your favor.
Praying for you all!
Love,
Julie
